Overlooked Orchid

Family happenings (the category title) is putting it mildly!!! Acouple of months ago, I ran into an old friend, who just happens to be the Aunt of my girl’s biological father. In any case, we talked a lot, and started hanging out again. She told me that her sister (the girls Nana) had cancer, and wasn’t doing well….She told me a lot about the girl’s father as well….what he had been up to in previous years, and miscellaneous stuff. In any case, she asked me if I would consider meeting Karen (Nana) again. I thought about this for weeks. She, Ange talked to Karen about it as well…my fears, my uncertainty…..She kept reassuring me that it would be okay, that nothing bad would happen….that Karen, and Ronnie (girl’s father) wanted nothing more than to see the girls and I. That was pretty hard for me to swallow, considering past experience, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that the Karen would die, without the girls ever knowing her.

So I sat the girls down and I talked to them about it. They have always known about their Father, always…so it’s not like it was a big suprise or anything, other than the fact that they wanted to see us. I say us, because that is exactly how they put it!! They, at every step, have put the girl’s wellbeing, and security over their desires. Anyway, the girls said that they would like to meet this family. So I set it up with Karen that we would come to the town where she lives, and have dinner with her, her husband, and Ronnie. I layed out ground rules of how this would happen, and they agreed.

The day came for the meet…I had told the girls the plans to meet for dinner, but that just wasn’t exceptable to them…*LOL* They wanted to go right away!! Well, I put them off for awhile, but than decided, why not?? It would give the girls a chance to get to know Nana a bit before meeting their father and Papa….so we went up a bit earlier….The girls played, and when they weren’t “bugging” Nana, Karen and I talked….Alot!!!! We aired out a lot of the things from the past…

Papa came home, and the girls were thrilled…*LOL*…He sat out on the porch with Karen and I, and the girls chattered away to him….He was a happy man, you could tell that, and that is going some for Steve, as he is a quiet, and rather scary man!!! *LOL* Megan got a little chair and sat it over beside Papa, and kept scooting the chair closer to his….He would sit a certain way, and she would do the same thing…It was so precious!!!

Ronnie came, and Megan went running out to his vehicle and jumped into his lap. Her idea, not mine….I was standing in the doorway, and started crying, wishing she wasn’t so eager to see him. I went into the kitchen and Karen followed, rubbing my back and talking to me….Ronnie came in, (I had mostly stopped crying) and gave me a side-arm hug asking how I had been….It all seemed so normal that it hurt!!

I once thought that I was a part of this huge, loving family, but than things happened, things were said, and I closed myself and my girls off from them. We have talked a great deal about this, and nobody blames me for doing that, they understand why I did it….I understand why I did it….but now it hurts, knowing how much the girls have missed out on….how much they (the family) has missed out on. I know the past happened the way it did, because we were all very different people than we are now.

In any case, that was almost 3 weeks ago….Since then, we (Karen, Ronnie, and I) have all done a lot of talking…The girls and I went to Ronnie’s wedding (weird, I know), and met his new wife. She seems like a great person, and we get a long well together, at least at this point. Ronnie has seen the girls acouple of times, and has talked to them on the phone….We are not rushing this….Letting the girls set the pace basically. Which is why he is called Father, instead of Dad, because they know there is a difference, and they and I, am waiting for Ronnie to prove that he is ready to be a DAD this time around.

I am still scared to death that my little girls will get hurt…that he has popped back into their lives, only to pop back out in a few months…but I hold my fears at bay, with a wait and see attitude. It may sound harsh to say, but I’ve already told Ronnie that if he screws up this time, there won’t be a next time, until the girls are 18. I will not put my girls through an emotional ringer time and again just to please him, and so that they have a father….Won’t happen…I am taking my chance this time, and praying all turns out well!!

I knew the risks going into this, I think about those risks on a daily basis, but I can’t deny the fact that I feel this was the right thing to do. I felt it before the meeting, and I feel it now!! I wish everyone understood how I feel!!

I think the thing that surprises me most about all of this, is how open armed they have greeted me. ME!!!! Okay, I knew they wanted to see the girls, but they have made me feel so welcome, so much a part of the family. I have such deep feelings about this, but that is not for here…or at least not for now…

Anyway, enough for now.